


reaching out for all you are

by bijyu



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Aftercare, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blindfolds, Blow Jobs, Dom/sub, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Intercrural Sex, Light Bondage, Love Confessions, M/M, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Praise Kink, Rimming, Sex Toys, Smut, Spanking, Verbal Humiliation, there's a happy ending for everyone i tried
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-29
Updated: 2016-11-29
Packaged: 2018-09-02 23:03:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8686867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bijyu/pseuds/bijyu
Summary: Yuta learns the value of friendship and love.





	

"Here?" Taeyong asks, doubt coloring his voice. But when Yuta nods urgently, the hesitation furrowing Taeyong's brows disappears, and his eyes turn a little darker, his gaze heavy. "Okay," his voice is still soft, but the way he pushes on Yuta's shoulder is not gentle at all. It's okay; Yuta likes it that way.

 He wastes no time to go down on his knees, and maybe he should be ashamed but he can't help himself, he wants it right now. They’re on the campus, on a break between the lectures, and even though Taeyong makes sure to lock the door to the bathroom and the risk of getting caught is slim, it's still thrilling, somehow. And it's not like they can allow themselves to be more reckless than this,

He moves his hands to undo Taeyong's pants, but Taeyong gives his fingers a light swat. "Keep your hands on your lap." His tone is not unkind, but it's commanding enough; Yuta obeys immediately. They got used to it, the both of them; when it's about sex, it's always like this, Yuta following Taeyong's orders. Yuta isn't sure how the rules were set, it's not like anyone clearly proposed it at first, they only talked it through later. They both want it like this— they’re just a good match in that aspect.

Maybe that's how this thing between them has lasted for so long.

He watches Taeyong unzip his pants, then pull his cock out of his underwear and stroke it to full hardness. Yuta doesn't move, though he wants to taste it already, he wants it so bad, he's been thinking about it for the past few hours. He waits until Taeyong pushes the head against his lips; he opens his mouth immediately, letting Taeyong slip inside.

"Suck," Taeyong says, a little breathlessly, and Yuta does as he's told.

He loves it; the feeling of his lips stretching around Taeyong's cock, its weight on his tongue. He loves the way Taeyong grips his hair and the small, breathy sounds he makes as Yuta sucks on his cock diligently. Taeyong doesn't bother being gentle, he knows Yuta gets off on the rough treatment— he doesn't hesitate to pull on his hair, making him take more of his cock, until he's tearing up. It used to be difficult for him not to gag but he's learned to relax his throat and now Taeyong can fuck his mouth as he pleases. He does exactly that, and it's uncomfortable, Yuta’s knees hurt, the salvia trickling from his mouth makes his skin tingle, his throat burns, and it's painful, the way Taeyong tugs on his hair— but he loves it. He loves how filthy and used he feels. He's very hard, his erection straining his pants; he curls his hands into fists on his lap but he doesn't move them, focusing on making Taeyong feel good.

"Fuck, you're so good," Taeyong moans and Yuta shudders. "You take it so well... good little slut."

Yuta's stomach twists at the words and he whines softly, feeling his face burn. He's ashamed but he likes it and maybe this isn't right but he can't even think clearly right now, he just wants more. He wants Taeyong to use him and to call him names and—

 Taeyong pulls back before he comes and Yuta closes his eyes, feeling the warm come splatter all over his face. He shivers and moans softly, scooping up some of it with his hand and licking it off his fingers. He hears Taeyong curse under his breath and then Taeyong's hands are on his face, wiping it clean.

"Good boy," he says sweetly and Yuta feels himself flush, so happy to hear the praise. "You deserve a reward."

Yuta hides his face in Taeyong's shoulder, the material of his shirt muffling his moans as Taeyong quickly jerks him off. He doesn't need much, he's already been on edge for so long, he comes after just a few strokes. It's embarrassing, that just sucking someone off turns him on so much, but Taeyong doesn't give him time to feel ashamed, gathering him in his arms and petting his hair. "You did well," he mutters against his temple and just that is enough for Yuta to relax, for the tension he's been feeling all day to leave his body. He sniffs a little, trembling in Taeyong's arms as Taeyong places kisses all over his face. "Good boy."

He needs it too much, that feeling of being put down then picked up, pulled apart, then put back together— and he's lucky Taeyong is here to give it to him.

 

\---

 

"You got laid or something?" Ten asks him later that day. They're sitting on the floor playing Mario Kart on Wii U and the sudden question almost makes Yuta crash his car as he's rounding a corner.

"What?" he asks with a laugh. "Why?"

"Well, you've been kind of tense recently," Ten replies. Yuta glances at him briefly; his eyes are fixed on the TV screen and Yuta can't read the expression on his face. "But you seem fine today."

For a moment, Yuta focuses on the game; Ten is right behind him and he refuses to lose again. As soon as he passes the start line, Ten curses loudly and drops the controller to the floor, making Yuta laugh.

"Don't laugh!" Ten whines, but he's smiling, pushing lightly at Yuta's arm. "I was doing so well!"

"Serves you right," Yuta retorts. "You kept whacking me with the raccoon tale the last round, you snake!"

"Hey, that's the whole point of the game."

"A real man would win without any shady tricks."

"Guess you're not a real man either, you bombed me this time."

"Well, but that's the whole point of the game."

Ten snorts, then with a sigh he lies down in Yuta's lap, looking up at him, his eyes twinkling. "So you saw Taeyong today?"

Yuta hums in confirmation. "It was just— it wasn't anything unusual."

"But still kinky?" Ten inquires, tone playful. Yuta feels just a bit flustered by the question, but he doesn't let it bother him. Ten knows about most his kinks and he's never judged him for anything. Sometimes he just gets a little too curious for Yuta's comfort. It's not like he minds talking about it, but some of the things he likes doing are terribly embarrassing.

He remembers the first time they talked about it— they were watching a porn movie, more for laughs than anything else, and the subject came up. At first Yuta told Ten only a little, but Ten kept pressing, his eyes wide and curious, his cheeks flushed. He didn't judge at all, he seemed fascinated. After Yuta told him what kind of things he liked, Ten said he'd done some of that with his partners, but he'd never met anyone who was like Yuta. _It'd be interesting to have sex with someone like you_ , he remembers Ten saying. He just laughed it off because he didn't know how else to react. He and Ten were roommates and friends, but there was never anything more between them, plus Yuta had Taeyong and Ten was dating Youngho at the time.

"A little bit," Yuta replies evasively, then he changes the subject. "Wanna watch a movie? I downloaded a few."

"You pirate," Ten grins. "Sure, let's watch something."

 

\---

 

Yuta slowly opens his eyes; his body feels heavy and his limbs ache a little, but he feels calm inside, the calmest he's felt in a while. He sits up on the bed— the covers slide off him. He doesn't remember pulling them over himself, Taeyong must have done it. He suddenly feels wetness between his legs— Taeyong's come trickling down his thigh. He flushes at the sensation, and then some more, remembering how he begged for it, for Taeyong to fuck him, take him, come inside him. It's nothing new, but the embarrassment still hits him sometimes, especially when Taeyong is not there to stifle it.

Where is he now?

Yuta's eyes shift to the balcony, and sure, he can see Taeyong's back through the glass; he's most likely smoking. He's the type to smoke after sex. Yuta doesn't blame him, but he wishes he'd be in bed with him when he woke up. He feels cold, and the need to be held is strong. It passes eventually but right after they have sex— this kind of sex, that is— he feels vulnerable and unstable and only someone's closeness can help him.

He wraps the covers around himself to feel a little warmer, and waits— Taeyong is back only after a few minutes, but it feels like ages. He looks surprised to see Yuta awake.

"You're up," he says softly. He shakes his slippers off his feet and immediately climbs on the bed. He pulls Yuta into a hug, placing a kiss on top of head. Yuta sighs, content; he doesn't even mind the cigarette smell. He just wants to have Taeyong close. "How are you feeling? Want some water?"

Yuta shakes his head; his throat feels a little dry, but right now, he only wants to be held. They didn't do anything especially intense, so physically he's completely fine, but he needs to know he's not alone.

He buries his face into the material of Taeyong's hoodie and closes his eyes. Taeyong gets the message; he makes himself comfortable on the bed and wraps his arms tightly around Yuta, letting him rest his head on his chest. He gently pets Yuta's hair; it's so soothing Yuta's eyelids start feeling heavy again.

They don't talk, but Taeyong's scent and the warmth of his body is enough to make Yuta feel more grounded. After a moment, he pulls away, smiling up at Taeyong. Taeyong returns the smile, his eyes warm. He reaches his hand out, as if to touch Yuta's hair, but then seems to remember himself and lets it drop on the sheets. Of course; this is where they draw a line. In the end, they're friends, not lovers. Taeyong indulges Yuta in his need for closeness after sex, but aside from that, they don't do that, the... mushy stuff.

"I'm okay," Yuta says, before Taeyong can ask. "Just really fucking hungry."

Taeyong grins at that. "Let's eat. Then we can go again?"

"Oh?" Yuta raises his eyebrows. Taeyong rarely feels up to having sex more than once a day. "You sure your old bones can handle that?"

Taeyong laughs and flicks his forehead. "Shut up," he says, his voice fond.

Yuta's heart feels warm and light as he looks at him; sometimes he wonders if they could be together, just like this. But aren't friendships just as important? He trusts Taeyong more than anyone, he trusts him with his life. They don't need that silly romance stuff to stay close like this, right?

 

\---

 

"Hey, I bought some take-out food," Ten announces as he walks into the kitchen. Yuta looks up from his tablet; Ten's cheeks are still flushed from the cold and he's holding up a paper bag in his hand, a bright smile on his face. Yuta can't help but think he's adorable. "It's your turn to cook but I remembered you had exams—"

"It's always my turn to cook," Yuta points out wryly. "You can't even properly cut vegetables." It's not that Yuta is a very good cook, either— hell, he doesn’t even like cooking— and sometimes they're forced to eat dishes that aren't especially good, but they can't eat out all the time and Yuta doesn't want to live on instant food. He tried that last year, didn't end well.

"Right," Ten's smile doesn't falter in the slightest . "I was trying to be nice, can you be a little appreciative?"

"No, I am." Yuta beams at him. The fact that he has to cook isn't a big deal; Ten usually does the dishes. Granted, he’s Ten so he forgets— or pretends to forget— sometimes, but neither of them is especially tidy, so they're not bothered if there's a bit of a mess sometimes. Well, some days, the mess is pretty big. Yuta thinks if Taeyong were to visit them on one of those days, he'd probably get a heart attack. "I just couldn't resist mocking your pathetic cooking skills."

Ten huffs, putting the bag down on the table and taking the seat next to Yuta. "How cruel," he sighs dramatically. "And I got your favorite, too"

"Deokbokki?" Yuta brightens up. "I'll just finish reading this chapter and we can eat."

"Good." Ten glances at him. "Do you want—" he breaks off suddenly, his eyes growing wide. "Yuta, what happened to you?"

Yuta frowns, for a moment not comprehending what Ten means. Then it dawns on him— he presses his fingers to his cheek. It's still swollen. As expected. He did tell Taeyong not to hold back, and it should fade until tomorrow, anyway. so it's all okay.

"Taeyong slapped me." Ten freezes, staring at him in disbelief, and Yuta realizes it sounded all wrong, and rushes with explanations. "I mean— I asked him to!" He flushes, suddenly embarrassed. "I mean, more like, I told him earlier it was okay if I— you know." Misbehave was the word, but he's already too flustered to explain. Ten still looks bewildered though, and for the first time in a while, Yuta feels anxious about the possibility that Ten might judge him. Maybe this is too much for him to understand. Maybe he's going to think Yuta is fucked up and— maybe he really is, maybe this isn't right—

Ten's reaches out and gently brushes his fingers against Yuta's cheek. Yuta looks up at him; there's no disgust on Ten's face. He looks serious, as if concerned, and Yuta can't quite read the look in his eyes, but it doesn't seem like Ten is upset with him.

"Be careful, okay?" Ten says. "Promise me you won't get hurt."

Yuta blinks, surprised. "I've already told you, we're careful—"

"I don't mean physically." Ten gives him a small smile, dropping his hand and turning his attention back to the paper bag, reaching to take out the plastic containers inside. "I mean, your heart."

Yuta stares at him blankly. "What?"

"You must really trust Taeyong to let him do this to you," Ten reasons. "And I know you well enough. You're the type to cry over romance dramas. Not exactly the friends with benefits type."

"I'm not sure I follow what you're getting at," Yuta says defensively. This thing between him and Taeyong has been going for a long time and Yuta is sure he's fine with the way things are. Sure, romance is nice in theory, but in practice, isn't it bothersome?

"Yeah?" Ten places Yuta's deokbokki box in front of him. "Are you sure you don't want to go on a romantic date with him and hold hands and shit like that?"

Yuta shakes his head with a smile. "Just because you like that kind of stuff doesn't mean everyone does."

Ten laughs at that, pulling another box out of the bag. "Believe me, I'm not that romantic. It's partly why i broke up with Johnny, remember?" Of course, Yuta does remember. Youngho was too serious about his relationship with Ten; it made Ten feel trapped. Ten told Yuta he wasn't ready for it; he didn't want to think about living together, adopting kids or anything like that.

"I'm not sure if talking about the future with your partner is that romantic," Yuta muses. "It's more like... practical, or something? I think holding hands and buying flowers is what's considered romantic?"

"Well, holding hands is nice if you really like someone." Ten pauses, giving Yuta another one of those looks he can't decipher. It's almost as if... Ten is angry about something? But what? But before he can analyze it properly, the expression on Ten's face changes into a smile. "I'm sure you would like that. And flowers."

Yuta raises his eyebrows at him. "I hate flowers. I mean— flower bouquets. They're just dead plants."

Ten snorts. "Not very romantic, if you look at it that way..."

"See? Romance is overrated."

"If you say so." Ten turns to pull two pairs of chopsticks out of the drawer and places them on the table. "Still, you better promise me you won't get hurt."

"I promise," Yuta replies, already distracted by the smell of the food. He decides finishing the chapter can wait— studying on an empty stomach is always a terrible idea.

 

\---

 

He's especially stressed after exams and Taeyong notices; the scene they have after finals is intense. Taeyong pulls him over his lap and spanks him; it hurts and he's embarrassed but he likes it so much and it's not long before he's so hard he thinks he'd come just like that, if Taeyong would let him rock his hips against his lap just a little. But Taeyong doesn't give him a permission to come, and he keeps going until Yuta's skin is burning and he can't count anymore because he's sobbing, hot tears streaming down his face, falling into his hair.

Then Taeyong tells him to go on all fours and fucks him hard, in quick, deep thrusts that drive Yuta absolutely crazy, and he can only whimper and push his hips back, trying to feel even more of Taeyong's cock. Taeyong is not trying to make it feel good for him, only chasing his own orgasm, but Yuta loves the way it makes him feel used, and the pleasure is still almost too much. The forceful thrusts, feeling of Taeyong's cock so deep inside him are enough to push him on the edge and he barely can stop himself from coming. Taeyong still didn't give him permission and he wants to be good so he bites his lip and curls his fingers around the sheets and takes it like the good slut he is, ignoring his own cock, painfully hard and leaking with precome.

He moans when he feels Taeyong come inside him and, a moment later, he's flipped onto his back, his legs spread wide. Taeyong leans over him to pet his hair and kiss his face and only then Yuta realizes he's shaking. He clutches onto Taeyong and lets him kiss his tears away.

"Shhh, good boy. You want to come?' Taeyong whispers against his hair. Yuta nods, not trusting his voice at this point. "You think you've earned it?"

He pauses at that, doubt pushing through the cloud of arousal. He was good, wasn't he? He listened to every order well.  Taeyong seems to notice his hesitation; he kisses Yuta's temple, his thumb brushing over his cheek tenderly. "I'm going to finger you and you're going to come just like that, okay?"

Yuta nods quickly, eager to feel something inside him again. Taeyong pushes three fingers into him and fucks him with them roughly, making sure to brush against his prostate with every thrust. It's not long before Yuta's orgasm hits him, the intense pleasure making his whole body tense, and after that, he doesn't remember much. The next thing he registers is Taeyong's gentle smile and his fingers carding through his hair and the sweet praises he whispers to him. He feels warm and safe, and he knows it's stupid and unrealistic but at that moment, he wishes they could stay like this forever.

He remembers Ten's words and, in his unguarded state, he almost asks Taeyong, if they could just— be together like this. Nothing would have to change except, they wouldn't be just friends with benefits. But his throat feels dry and his lips are numb and he can't form coherent words even in his mind. And later, after Taeyong gives him water and helps him clean himself up, Yuta doesn't want to ask anymore. It's funny, really— he's usually blunt about everything but this one thing he just can't bring up. And besides, if Taeyong wanted to, he would have asked already, right?

So no, they can't be a couple, but Yuta decides it doesn't matter. In the end, they're still together.

 

\---

 

"Yuta, do you— wow." Ten, as he often tends to do, stuck his head into his room without knocking. Thankfully, Yuta isn't doing anything especially incriminating (he knows he has to lock the door in such cases)— he's lying on his side, reading a fantasy novel on his tablet. He's not sure what caused the amazement in Ten's voice so he shifts on the bed, looking at him questioningly over his shoulder.

"What?"

Ten is staring somewhere at his legs, and— oh. Right. He's only wearing an oversized t-shirt and underwear, so the backs of his thighs are on display. He instantly feels his face turn warm, and he has the urge to hide his legs under the covers.

"How'd you get those?" Ten doesn't seem to be disturbed, more like curious, but Yuta still feels embarrassed. He doesn't want to talk about it, but he knows Ten will keep pestering him until his curiosity is satisfied.

"From, uh. Spanking," he mutters.

"Wait, what?" Ten walks into the room, his eyes still fixed on Yuta's legs. "Wouldn't that be just on your butt?"

Yuta takes a deep breath, and smiles. "What, you want to see my butt too?" It's meant to be a joke, something that will make Ten drop the subject, but it backfires on him.

"Can I?" Ten asks with a grin, flopping down on the bed next to him. Yuta should have known it would be like this; it's Ten he's dealing with, after all.

"No, jesus fuck, you pervert!" Yuta pushes at his head, but he can't help but laugh at Ten's dejected expression. "And, well— some people like it on thighs too, some don't." He shrugs. "Is that really so surprising?"

Ten keeps staring at the marks and it's making Yuta flustered in a way he doesn't understand, so he sits up on the bed, folding his legs. Unfortunately, it doesn't stop Ten from looking. It's not that Yuta minds, not really, it's Ten and they're comfortable with each other, but still... what is Ten thinking? What would he think of him if he saw him the way he was when they did those things with Taeyong? Would his opinion of Yuta change?

"Does it hurt?" Ten asks softly, and he reaches his hand out, as if he wants to touch, but he seems to remember himself and drops in on the sheets. Yuta shrugs, trying his best to hide his embarrassment. Something about the situation and the way Ten is looking at him is making him feel weird.

"A little. It's no big deal."

"Do you like it?" The question is bold, and it makes Yuta freeze; Ten looks up at him, a sweet smile on his face. He seems simply curious, as always. Yuta sighs.

"That it hurts now? I don’t know. I don’t mind it? But during the... well, I like it then."

"Oh." Ten tilts his head. "So it's not, like, a punishment."

Yuta suddenly feels like laughing; Ten is like a curious kid. "Not really, though we can pretend it is? But it's not like we have a full time relationship of that kind. He has nothing to punish me for, you see." Yuta frowns. "Honestly, that would be fucking scary. Imagine giving Taeyong that kind of a power over you... You forget to wash dishes once and you're screwed."

Ten laughs at that. "Screwed... literally? Could be pretty fun."

Yuta huffs, amused. "No thanks. I'd go crazy if someone was ordering me around on daily basis. I'd probably bite their head off."

"You totally would." Ten's eyes twinkle with warmth. "I like that about you."

Yuta wants to reply with some sort of a funny comment, but then Ten reaches out and brushes strands of hair away from his face, and Yuta's mind suddenly turns blank with the way Ten is looking at him. What is he looking at him that way? Almost as if... no, impossible. He doubts he's Ten's type, and anyway, their relationship has been purely friendly for quite a long time now. He clears his throat.

"Anyway, what did you want?"

Ten seems confused for a second, then his eyes widen in realization. "Oh, right! Do you want anything from the shop? I'm going to get myself an energy drink."

Yuta thinks for a moment. "A kimbap roll?"

"Okay." Ten nods and slides off the bed then leaves Yuta's room, as if nothing's happened. But Yuta can't shake off the notion that something— something did happen.

 

\---

 

It's been a while since they met like this, outside instead of Yuta's or Taeyong's place, and Yuta can't help but wonder what the reason is. Taeyong messaged him earlier that day asking if he'd like to meet up at their favorite Italian food place. It's not that Yuta minds; in the end, they're friends and he likes hanging out with Taeyong. It's just that, recently they usually meet up to have sex. They do go out to eat together sometimes too, but that’s always after they’re done doing... other things. Most of the time, though, Taeyong cooked for them at home, with Yuta helping him out. Yuta liked that, it felt... sort of domestic, he supposed.

Taeyong greets him with a smile and for a while they just chat about the usual things— university, their part time jobs and their friends. The food is as delicious as Yuta remembered, too. Once they're done eating, Taeyong orders them drinks, and they're very good too. Yuta is about to say he's missed coming to this place when Taeyong suddenly says he needs to tell him something.

"What?" Yuta raises his eyebrows with a smile. Taeyong is not meeting his eyes, his expression serious, and Yuta feels something cold trickle into the pit of his stomach. "What is it?" he asks, quieter.

"Well, I..." Taeyong is fiddling with his fingers, an obvious nervous gesture, and Yuta has the urge to place is hand on his hands to calm him down and make him stop, like he usually does. Except he's anxious now too. "This thing between us, I think we should end it."

Yuta freezes. He's so surprised that for a moment, he's not even sure what he feels. He didn't see that one coming. He thought... somehow he thought it as a permanent thing, that it would always be that way. It was pretty naive of him, wasn't it? "Oh," he says, because he doesn't know what else to say. All of the sudden, his throat feels tight, and it's like something is squeezing his heart in his chest.

"I— I'm getting tired of it," Taeyong says quickly, still not looking at him. "And besides, I think I like someone. So, that's why."

"I— I see," Yuta replies. Taeyong looks extremely nervous and despite what he feels, Yuta has the urge to cheer him up, to lessen the tension between them, so he tries to smile. It's not like he has the right to be angry, right? Even if this is sudden. It was never a real relationship. He shouldn't even feel so sad. Why the fuck does it hurt so much? "I understand," he flinches at how shaky his voice sounds but he continues. "It's okay."

 Taeyong finally meets his eyes. "You're not angry?"

"O-of course not." Yuta forces a laugh. "I mean, unless you don't want to be my friend anymore, then I'm going to be really fucking angry."

"No, that's the opposite of what I want. I love you, you know that." Yuta nods, even though hearing it hurts because— why? He doesn't know. "I was just worried— are you not upset?"

"I... I'm surprised?" Yuta manages to swallow through the lump in his throat. He can do it. He's not going to fucking cry now, he's not that pathetic. "But it's not like— it was never serious, right?"

Taeyong nods; he seems relieved, but there's still a sad look in his eyes and Yuta tries to smile brighter, afraid that Taeyong might be sensing something, that he might pity him. Pity is the last thing he wants; he wouldn't be able to stand it. "Right," Taeyong says slowly. "I'm glad you understand. So we're good?"

"Of course." Yuta takes out his phone and glances at it. "I should go, though. Ten wants me to go shopping with him." It's not entirely a lie— Ten did want Yuta to go shopping but Yuta, as per usual, had no intention of tagging along. He could never understand Ten's obsession with fashion and clothes.

"Sure. I'll pay for the food."

"Oh, no, we can split—"

"No." Taeyong surprises him by catching his hand. Taeyong's touch is usually comforting to him but right now Yuta can barely stop himself from jerking his hand away. But the way Taeyong is looking up at him, worry painted on his face... Yuta doesn't want him to worry. In the end, he's done nothing wrong. He forces himself to keep smiling, hoping it looks as reassuring as he intends it to. It’s so strained he feels like his lips might just stay stuck that way. "I'll pay. We'll see each other soon, right?"

"Sure!" Yuta responds brightly, even though at this moment he's not thinking about seeing Taeyong again— all he can think about is getting away from him as fast as possible.

 

\---

 

He's glad that it's always been difficult for him to cry in front of people, because he manages to keep it together after he gets back home. Ten is still there, though he's already leaving, putting on his jacket. As usual, he tries to convince Yuta to come along, but Yuta just shakes his head.

"I'd be bored out of my mind twenty minutes in. Besides, aren't you going with Doyoung and the others?"

"Yes," Ten confirms, tucking his pants into his boots. "But that doesn't mean you can't come too! Doyoung keeps asking me if you don't like him or something."

"It's not like that!" Yuta laughs, taking off his jacket. "It's just that whenever he wants to meet up, it's for shopping. I'd rather die."

Ten pouts. "You go shopping too."

"Yes. Alone. That way I don't have to wait for people like you to decide whether white or gray fits their complexion better."

"But it's fun—"

"Do you want to marathon One Piece with me?"

Ten scowls. "Over my dead body."

"But it's fun," Yuta says, raising his eyebrows. Ten just shakes his head with a smile.

"Okay, okay. I get your point. I won't be back for dinner so don't bother making anything for me."

"Sure." Yuta leans against his bedroom door, smiling at him. "Have fun."

Once Ten leaves, Yuta goes to bed, crawls under the covers and waits. Only when he's sure Ten left for good he lets himself really focus on the way he's feeling, lets the pain he's been pushing down take over. Once it hits him, it’s hard to stop. He curls up and cries, and cries.

Suddenly, the front door opens; Yuta freezes, startled. He can hear the music blasting from Ten's earphones— why is he back? He hears Ten take off his jacket and shoes, and he almost falls off the bed as he hurriedly reaches for tissues, hoping to somehow get himself together in case Ten decides to peek into his room. But he doesn't manage to even pull one out of the box when the door to his room opens and Ten's head pokes through it.

"Can you imagine, Doyoung texted me that—" Ten breaks off suddenly as he takes in Yuta's appearance. Yuta curses himself inwardly; he should have pretended that he was sleeping or something. "Yuta?! What happened?" In mere seconds, Ten is at his side, leaning over him, his eyes wide and full of concern. Just that little bit of attention is enough for Yuta to tear up again. Fuck. He really, really hates crying in front of others— at least in moments like this.

"Nothing," he sniffs, voice thick with tears. "I'm just— it's really nothing, don't worry."

Ten huffs, sitting down next to him on the bed. "Doesn't look like nothing to me." Yuta is expecting further questions but instead Ten surprises him by simply wrapping his arms around him and pulling him into an embrace. He buries his hand in Yuta's hair, prompting Yuta to rest his head against Ten's shoulder. Seconds later, Yuta is full out crying again as Ten pets his hair.

And maybe Yuta doesn't like crying in front of others, but now that Ten is here with him, he figures it's not so bad, sometimes, to be held and consoled. Ten is warm and his touch is gentle and he likes the scent of his cologne and just— it's good to have him close.

"I'm sorry," he mumbles, because he figures Ten deserves to know. "I didn't— I didn't keep the promise. About not getting hurt."

Ten stills for a moment, and then he breathes an “I see”, and hugs Yuta tighter. They stay like this until Yuta stops crying. It still hurts, but he feels strangely calm, as if he has no tears left to cry.

"Don't you, don't you have to go?" Yuta asks, pulling back a little, wiping his face with his hand. Ten hands him a tissue but his arm is still wrapped around Yuta's waist, not letting him pull back fully.

"It's okay," Ten says. "Doyoung can’t go and I’m not coming when it’s just Jaehyun and Johnny. It's no fun hanging out with them these days. They're so gross, they keep pointing at dumb things like night lamps and saying _'look, this will suit our future bedroom!_ ' It makes me want to puke."

Yuta laughs a little, then blows his nose into the tissue. "Well, you ruined your chance with Youngho."

"I have no regrets. The sex was so fucking boring. And I didn’t find night lamps and carpets interesting." Ten rolls his eyes. "Those two are a great match with their boring sex preferences and boring future plans and what not. “

Yuta chuckles again. Despite his complaining, Ten is still watching him with concern in his eyes, and Yuta knows Ten is mostly joking to cheer him up. Ten loves both Johnny and Jaehyun and he's very happy for them, Yuta knows that much. Although he can imagine there might be some truth to his complaints; thirdwheeling on a couple is never much fun. He decides he might go shopping with Ten next time, after all.

"How do you feel?" Ten asks him softly. He cups Yuta's cheeks, wiping away the tear tracks with his thumbs. The gesture is simple but it makes Yuta feel warm. He's really so lucky to have Ten around. "If you want to talk— you know I'm here."

Yuta nods and tries a smile. "Thank you. I'm better now." He doesn't really want to talk about it, he doesn't even want to think about it at this moment. Ten seems to understand; his smile grows into a grin.

"Then how about a movie night with pizza?"

"Sounds good," Yuta replies, and this time when he smiles he doesn't have to force it.

 

\---

 

Eventually Yuta ends up telling Ten everything. It makes him feel less awful about the whole thing, and it helps him sort out his feelings, too. He realizes he only thought he was okay with him and Taeyong not being lovers officially because he assumed they would stay together regardless. He thought things wouldn't change, maybe on some level he believed Taeyong felt the same about him and he'd keep wanting to have Yuta around. He really likes Taeyong, and not only like a friend, and it hurt to find out it’s not reciprocated at all. He wishes he could have been more honest with Taeyong.

 It's too late now, though. And the worst thing is, Yuta doesn't want to see Taeyong for now. It hurts too much. He feels like a terrible friend when he evasively answers Taeyong's texts and keeps coming up with excuses. Yuta hates that, excuses. He hates dishonesty. But he can't bring himself to tell Taeyong that it hurts to see him because he's still in love with him.

So they don't meet apart from the classes they have together, and eventually, Taeyong stops asking Yuta to hang out. They're still nice to each other when they see each other but Yuta knows it's not the same, the relationship feels shallow, just saying hi, smiling and talking about classes. He feels awful and selfish about avoiding Taeyong but he doesn't know what else to do. He's not ready to talk about his feelings yet.

And there's another problem. The things they did with Taeyong, they really helped him, and he got used to relieving stress that way. But now he can't do it anymore. The sadness of being rejected, the guilt of not talking to Taeyong, and the stress caused by day to day things start to accumulate until he can barely hold himself together.

Ten notices, of course. At first Yuta manages to brush off his filled with concern questions by telling him he's just tired. He ignores the way Ten frowns at his excuses, he pretends not to see the worried looks he gives him. And he tries his best to keep it together. He doesn't dwell on his feelings and focuses on studying. Sport helps a little, so he gives it all he’s got and he feels better after every soccer practice. He just tries to keep himself busy and he ignores how sometimes he's so high-strung even a little mishap can bring him close to tears, and how sometimes his hands shake so much everything falls out of them. He tells himself he's doing okay often enough to believe it.

He realizes it might be not working well enough when people other than Ten start noticing. Youngho, whom Yuta has a few classes with, keeps asking him if he's okay, and Heejun, one of the members of the soccer club, tells him he's been really out of it. Yuta tries to ensure them that he's fine, and he swears his mouth might start hurting from how much he smiles. But even if he can reassure his friends, he himself is more and more aware of the fact that he's not handling this well at all.

He's not surprised when, one evening, Ten comes into his room, a determined expression on his face. Yuta looks up at him and he instantly knows what's up. The thing about Ten is that he's always sweet and cheerful, but once he's upset enough about something, he doesn’t relent. Yuta recalls the fights Ten and Doyoung often have, and he prepares himself mentally for the confrontation.

"We need to talk," Ten says.

Yuta looks back down at his tablet where he has his reading open. "Okay. Then talk." He can't help but sound a little defensive; he hates being lectured. Ten sighs and walks into the room, then sits on the desk chair. It's not a good sign. Ten usually just flops down on his bed when he wants to talk to him.

"I can't stand seeing you like this. Stop telling me you're okay when it's obvious you're not."

Yuta bites his lip. There's no use trying to reassure Ten anymore. But what else can he do? "Then what do you want me to do? I can tell you I'm not okay. It won't solve anything."

"Running from your problems won't solve anything either."

"I'm not running—"

 "Shut up," Ten cuts him off. "I know you, you're the type who takes action to solve problems immediately. And if you can't..." He sighs. "You keep studying and doing other stuff until you're too tired to think or feel. You know, I'm pretty sure our place hasn't been this clean, like, ever." Ten smiles wryly. "And while that's pretty nice, I don't think this is going to help you."

Yuta shrugs. "I can't think of anything that will."

Ten eyes him carefully, seems to hesitate for a moment. "Whatever you did with Taeyong," he says slowly, "it helped you, right?"

"Well, guess what, I can't go to Taeyong for that anymore—"

"Then why not someone else?"

Yuta looks at him wearily. Sure, he's thought about it. Picking up someone random at a club or looking through online ads— but how could he trust someone he doesn't know? And if there's no trust... Yuta can't imagine being this vulnerable with someone who could take advantage of it. Besides, the intimacy he needs after that... Sex is one thing but letting someone he doesn't know cuddle and pet him seems just plain disgusting.

"Like who? There's no one that I trust who'd be up for something like that. I just..." He shakes his head. "I'll be fine. Stop worrying so much."

Ten is quiet for a moment, and Yuta thinks the discussion is actually over, but then Ten says something that completely takes him off guard. “How about me?”

Ten is not meeting his eyes, suddenly very interested in the floor; he seems flustered. Ten sometimes acts coy, but he rarely gets genuinely embarrassed. Yuta stares. He's not joking, isn't he? He's actually serious?

"You— you mean it?"

"Well, yes, why not?" Ten finally looks up to meet his eyes and he gives him a small smile. "I like kinky stuff too. Well, I'd probably need to do some research since I was unfortunate enough to only date dreadfully vanilla people so far but..." he pauses, his expression turning serious. "You trust me, right?"

"Of course I do! But... why would you want to?"

"Well, you're hot?" Ten shrugs. "And I want you to be okay. And it's not like I wouldn't enjoy it, you know," he adds with a grin.

Yuta is quiet for a moment, processing the words. Ten is attractive, of course, and Yuta does trust him, there are few people he trusts this much. But... this isn't a good idea. He's learned his lesson already. "I can't do this," he says softly. Ten looks a little taken aback and Yuta hurries with an explanation. "I'd like to, okay? But I can't do this friends with benefits thing anymore. You said it yourself. I'm not cut out for this."

Ten sighs. "Right. I'm sorry, I should have been honest with you." He gets up from the chair and sits on the bed next to Yuta instead. Yuta looks at him, confused, and Ten gives him a soft smile. "I like you," he says simply and Yuta freezes at the words. It's completely unexpected but at the same time, the way Ten is looking at him right now, with those warm eyes, filled with affection... he's seen that look many times before. "It's not the most romantic way to confess, I guess," Ten laughs a little. "But, uh, yeah, I don't want a friends with benefits thing. I'd like to date you. Seriously."

"Oh," Yuta replies, blinking. He's not sure how to respond. He's happy, in a way, than Ten likes him, but can he reciprocate? He loves Ten, of course, but... he suddenly remembers what Taeyong told him, _'you know I love you'_. That kind of a love may be enough for some people to build a relationship but is that what Yuta wants? Or does he actually want something romantic, along with all the cheesy bullshit? And if so, could he love Ten that way?

He glances at Ten; Ten is pretty, warm, kind, and fun to be around. And maybe... Yuta still likes Taeyong now, he can't just get rid of those feelings so easily, but maybe, with time...

"Can I— I just need some time to think about it."

"I figured you would." Ten beams at him, then he leans in and pecks Yuta's cheek. "Take your time," he whispers against his ear and Yuta feels his face turn warm. This is just... so sudden and somehow, he's getting flustered. How is Ten not nervous or embarrassed? Maybe he's just hiding it well. But as Ten pulls back and playfully ruffles Yuta's hair, what strikes Yuta most is that loving look in Ten's eyes. He really can't understand— how come he hasn't realized earlier?

 

\---

 

Yuta worried things might become awkward between him and Ten, but nothing like that happens. Ten treats him the way he always does, and it's as comfortable as it always is. Ten is not pushy and he doesn't press Yuta for an answer. The only difference is that Yuta notices it now, all the little signs that prove Ten likes him, and something about it is very uplifting. It's like it takes his mind off the negative thoughts a little. Instead he keeps wondering, what it would be like— to be with Ten. And he's slowly more and more convinced that it wouldn't be bad at all.

"I got you something," Ten announces one evening, walking into Yuta's bedroom without knocking as usual. Ten left for one of his shopping trips a few hours ago and even though Yuta had considered accompanying him for once, he wasn't able to as he had an essay to write. Ten assured him it was okay— he was apparently meeting up with some other Thai exchange students. Yuta decided it was probably for the best that he didn't go— if one of those exchange students was Bambam, it would mean certain boredom induced death for Yuta. Bambam is even more passionate about shopping than Ten.

"Really?" Yuta asks with a smile, eyeing the small gift bag Ten dangles in front of him. Ten hands it to him and flops down on the side of the bed, gauging his reaction as he looks into the bag.

It's a pair of silver earrings. Yuta isn't surprised— Ten knows he likes jewelry and it's not the first time he buys Yuta earrings. These look quite expensive though— they're rose shaped, very carefully crafted, down to small details. Yuta knows Ten's parents are well off, but he still feels bad when Ten buys him expensive things. It's not like he can return the favor.

"Wow, they're really pretty." He looks up at Ten and sees him smile brightly, pleased with the reaction. He can't help but smile as well. Ten is just so cute, simple things like giving other people gifts seem to make him really happy. "Thank you."

"Told you you would like it," Ten says, tone playful, as Yuta puts the earrings on. "Getting flowers."

Yuta pauses and gives Ten an incredulous look. "That's different!" he protests with a laugh. Ten just shrugs.

"They're still flowers." He touches Yuta's ear. "Pretty," he says. At first Yuta thinks he means the earrings but Ten looks right into his eyes, a small smile on his face and— Yuta's heart skips a beat. He feels himself blush, and Ten's ears are a little red too, and the look he's giving Yuta is so intense; suddenly the air seems filled with tension. Nervous, Yuta quickly shifts away, giving a short laugh. For a moment, he was sure Ten was going to kiss him. Would he mind, though? He doesn't think he'd mind. It's just that... it was unexpected.

"How's the essay?" Ten asks; Yuta notices he's rubbing the side of his neck, and he wonders if Ten is changing the subject because he's embarrassed. Yuta looks at his flushed cheeks, and his small smile; he looks too adorable. It's honestly a little unfair.

"I'm almost done. I could use a break, actually." Yuta tilts his head. "How about I order food and we watch something?"

"Oh, ordering again?" Ten grins. "You're getting lazy."

"I need to repay you for the gift somehow. And I'm sure takeout food will be much better than my cooking," Yuta points out; he's only half-joking. Okay, maybe one-third joking.

"I like your cooking," Ten mutters. He looks a little embarrassed again but when Yuta raises his eyebrows, Ten grins at him. "Well, most of the time. Well, uh… sometimes? And you don't need to repay me. If you ever feel like buying me flowers, I like lilies, though."

"Noted. Though I swore that I won't set a foot in a flower shop ever again."

"You really hate them, don't you."

"I really do."

 

\---

 

He can't stop thinking about Ten after that almost-kiss. Combined with his sexual frustration and the accumulated stress, it makes him imagine things he's never thought of before. Like, doing stuff with Ten. _That_ kind of stuff. He's embarrassed, especially when the thoughts come up when Ten is around, but at the same time, he wonders if Ten thinks about him that way often. Somehow the mere notion makes him feel hot all over.

It's not long before he can't stand it anymore. One morning Yuta is drinking his coffee leaning against the kitchen counter, lost in gloomy thoughts about what's awaiting him in class today, when Ten walks into the kitchen wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants and sporting a bad case of bed head. For some reason Yuta at that very moment decides Ten must be the hottest person alive. Ten greets him with a sleepy "good morning", walks past him and reaches to the fridge for some juice. The moment he places the juice bottle on the counter, Yuta leans in and presses an awkward kiss to his lips.

For a moment, neither of them moves; Ten is just standing there, blinking at Yuta owlishly, and Yuta can't even say a word because he can't fucking believe what he just did. Is he even sure he really wants that? He doesn't have time to think about it though because the next second, Ten is pressing him against the counter and kissing him; it's rough, and sloppy, as if he's been starving for it, as if he doesn't care about finesse and just wants to taste and feel as much as possible. It makes Yuta’s head spin; he can't help but let out a small sound when Ten pushes his tongue into his mouth, slides it against his tongue, then runs it over the roof of his mouth. It's been a long time since someone kissed him like this and it feels so fucking good.

They're both panting when Ten pulls back; Yuta finds it hard to gather his thoughts, the only thing he can focus on is how his lips are still wet and tingling and how the kiss left him helplessly aroused. Ten is grinning at him, face flushed, eyes bright; he's so pretty and he looks so happy it makes Yuta's heart clench. He thinks he might be ready to fall in love again.

"So does that mean— you want to...?" Ten's voice is hopeful and even if Yuta wanted to, it would be hard for him to say no.

"Go out with you?" He smiles. "If you don't mind that— that I'm only going to... to try it out? I mean, I'm still a bit confused about how I feel but I like you—" He doesn't get to say anything else because Ten laughs and pulls him into a tight hug, squeezing him so hard it's difficult to breathe.

"That's great! I like you, I really, really like you," he says, and Yuta is rendered speechless. Does Ten really like him so much? He feels a little overwhelmed, but not in a bad way. It's a good feeling, to feel... loved. Especially by someone so bright, kind and sweet. And, well, undeniably attractive. "I mean," Ten pulls back. "I'll try not to be overbearing— I get it, you're still not sure. But I can make you happy, you know?"

"I don't think I'll mind." Yuta takes Ten's hand in his and gives it a small squeeze. "If you're a little overbearing."

"No?" Ten cocks an eyebrow, squeezing Yuta's hand back, a playful twinkle in his eyes. "You don't mind if I point out lamps and carpets to you and plan our future together?"

"As if you'd do that. But if you do, consider that I want to own a spider, two snakes, and a jaguar."

 "Hmm." Ten scrunches his nose up. "I think we'll end up breaking up over that spider. Pity."

Yuta snorts. "Shut up and kiss me."

And Ten does— and it feels just as good as before, if not better.

 

\---

 

It's two months into their relationship when Ten gets him a choker. It's black and thin, simple, with a silver locker; it doesn't look unusual and Yuta could probably wear in on daily basis, seeing things like that are in fashion right now.

"I thought you might like something like that," Ten says, a little sheepish, when he shows Yuta the choker. "I mean, it's only for when we play, unless you want to wear it at other times too."

Yuta eyes it for a moment, not sure how he feels about it. It's not really a collar, but it's supposed to symbolize one, isn't it? Taeyong has never— no one else has ever to put something like that on him, but he doesn't dislike the idea. In the end he likes the feeling of belonging to someone.

"I like it," he says, and Ten sighs, looking relieved. It makes Yuta smile. "Why, you thought I wouldn't?"

After Yuta showed Ten the basics, told him what he liked exactly— or sent him links, in some cases, when he was too embarrassed to talk about it— he worried Ten would, after all, back out of it, that he would judge Yuta, that he would lose Ten's respect. He knew it was sad he still felt so insecure about the things he liked, but it was hard not to— most people considered it strange. But Ten, just like before, was fascinated. It was sort of cute, how into it he was. But more than anything, it made feel Yuta reassured— he wasn't weird to like it. Ten made it seem completely normal.

"You're not weird," he told Yuta. "It's people like Johnny and Jaehyun who are weird. How can they keep on doing the same thing over and over without even trying to spice things up?"

Ten didn't stop at accepting everything Yuta wanted to do— he makes him try new things, as well. He isn't scared to push Yuta's limits. He's careful about it, he asks Yuta first if he'd like to try this or that, and Yuta most of the time agrees, urged by his need to please. Still, he sometimes discovers not everything is for him. He's never used his safe word with Taeyong but it's happened twice with Ten already. The good thing is, Ten doesn't hold it against him at all and immediately stops when Yuta doesn't want to do it anymore.  Sometimes he stops even before Yuta says anything; he knows Yuta well and he doesn't push him too hard. It makes Yuta feel secure.

So, it's unusual for Ten to be nervous about proposing trying something new. Yuta is curious, but Ten just smiles at him, and puts the choker around his neck.

It doesn't look like anything more than an accessory, but it feels different. It's different, because it's Ten who puts it on him, and when he locks the locker, Yuta knows Ten has the key and— it's like a proof that he is Ten's. He feels his face flush at the thought, but he's calm. He likes it; in the end, at this point, he's sure it's not a lie. He is Ten's.

"It suits you," Ten says, smiling. "Do you like it? I mean, does it feel okay?"

"Yeah. It feels..." he pauses, touching it. "It feels good."

"Yeah?" Ten gently pulls at the choker, bringing his face closer. "You know what it means, though? That you're mine," the way he says it, it sounds impossibly cocky, and Yuta has the urge to swat his head. Despite that, the words make his stomach clench and he feels his face grow warm.

"Yeah," he whispers. "I'm yours."

"Good boy." Ten grins, patting his head, and Yuta flushes more. He didn't know they were going to do something right now, but he doesn't mind. At this point they rarely have to discuss things beforehand; Ten knows what he likes and Yuta feels safe in his hands. He doesn't protest when Ten pushes him down to the bed; instead he smiles and pulls Ten down for a kiss. And it feels just right.

Before they start anything, Ten tells him he wants to tie him up this time. They don’t do this too often; if Ten orders him to, Yuta can stay still on his own accord, and being bound is not one of his favorite things. But when Ten whispers to him that he wants him tied up and blindfolded and completely at his mercy, Yuta feels a shiver run down his spine, and he agrees immediately.

Once he's naked, Ten puts a blindfold on him, then ties him up to the bed. Yuta knows he’s completely vulnerable now, but he doesn’t mind. He trusts Ten fully and he’s okay with Ten doing whatever he wants to him. What Ten wants is what he wants, anyway.

Being blindfolded is a little strange, like he's floating in space and the only sensations tying him to the reality are the soft sheets under him and the tight binds around his wrists. But after a brief rustle of clothes and a squeak of the bed, suddenly, the only feeling he can focus on is Ten's hands and mouth on him.

 He feels unguarded. It's like the restriction of his vision tears his walls down with little effort, allowing him to be more honest with his reactions. He moans and arches up to the touches and kisses; every one of them feels so good, makes his skin tingle, sparks of pleasure running through his body. He feels Ten runs his hands, palms open, up his inner thighs. The marks Ten has left there not long ago sting a little under the touch and it makes Yuta moan. He likes the reminder that they’re there; it doesn’t matter if it’s bitemarks or bruises from being spanked, he just likes knowing Ten’s touch on him left traces on his skin. It makes him feel like he belongs.

Ten squeezes his thighs briefly, then spreads him open wide. He blushes, biting on his lip, for a moment imagining what he must look like. So exposed, so needy.

 "You're so beautiful," Ten says as if he can read his mind. "And all mine." The words send a shiver down his spine and just then he can feel slick fingers prod at his entrance, only the tips slipping inside. He feels the bed dip when Ten leans over him, his breath hot against Yuta’s ear. "Say it."

 "I'm yours,” he replies shakily. Because he can't see what's happening, can't predict Ten's next move, he feels everything with a heightened intensity and he cries out, body tensing, when Ten bites down at his shoulder. It hurts and it's bound to leave a mark—Yuta hopes it will last.

 "Ah, more," he pleads softly and Ten complies, dragging his teeth along the skin of his neck, tugging at the choker, then licking and sucking at the skin below it, before biting again. The sensation makes Yuta whimper; it hurts but it only turns him on more. He wants Ten to leave marks all over his body.

 And then, Ten finally presses a finger into him, stretching him carefully. His inner muscles clench around it and he gasps at the feeling. Ten doesn't waste time; he soon pushes another finger in, and it goes in easily— it’s not surprising, Ten fucked him just a few hours ago. Then Yuta feels Ten’s mouth on his chest and stomach, leaving a trail of kisses and bites as he stretches him slowly with his fingers. It feels so good; he's painfully hard already and he marvels at how Ten seems to always know what his body best responds to.

 Abruptly, Yuta feels hot wetness close around the tip of his cock and he moans, bucking his hips. Ten pulls back with a swift slap to his inner thigh.

 "Don't move."

“S-sorry,” he says; it turns into a whine when Ten pushes another finger into him— it feels good, full, though he’d still prefer for Ten to just fuck him already.

Ten’s fingers move in and out of his body and Yuta tries his best to stay still and not push back against them. The slow pace Ten is going at leaves his mind blank with need; he’s close but it doesn’t seem to be enough. But then Ten withdraws his fingers and spreads Yuta’s legs wider, the grip on his thighs so strong it almost hurts.

“Keep them open wide,” he orders. Yuta isn’t sure if it’s the commanding tone or how exposed he feels but he whines, the arousal making his head swim. And then, suddenly, he feels Ten’s breath blowing moist and warm over his ass. He tenses, surprised— then the flat of Ten’ tongue is stroking over his hole, and Yuta’s entire body shivers with the feel of it. He gasps, barely remembering to keep still like Ten told him— it feels so good. Ten alternates between little kitten licks and long, teasing strokes that have Yuta let out little sobs of pleasure with each exhale. Then he slides a finger alongside his tongue, pushing it deep inside and spreading him for better access, and he keeps going, tongue diving into Yuta over and over, until he’s squirming with pleasure, his body hot and flushed all over. He’s so, so close, and as much as he wants to be good, he doesn’t think he can stop himself from coming, the pleasure is just too much.

“Ten, I c-can’t,” he gasps out. “Please…”

To his relief, Ten pulls back, and then Yuta feels his breath ghost over his face. “You’re so pretty like this. Come for me, okay?”

Then he feels Ten’s hand around his cock, and he cries out, his head spinning, muscles seizing up as Ten touches him. It barely takes two strokes for him to come. Maybe he’s been on edge for too long, or maybe it's Ten's voice and the words he speaks to him. Maybe it's how much he wants to please him.

 "You're so good, my baby boy," Ten whispers against his temple as Yuta trembles beneath him, the pleasure turning him into a whimpering mess. He hears Ten fumble with his pants and uncap the lube again, and he wonders if Ten is going to fuck him now. He hopes for it, there’s nothing better than having Ten’s cock inside him. But instead Ten tells him to press his thighs together and fucks them slowly. The sensation of Ten's dick sliding between his legs makes him tremble; it's slick, hot and pulsing, and it feels good against his sensitive skin.

 Ten comes with a sharp gasp and Yuta feels the hot release on his skin. And then Ten unties him and removes the blindfold. Ten's flushed face is the first thing he sees when his vision focuses, and the warm, loving gaze he gives him makes his heart clench. They haven't done anything too intense so he feels okay, but Ten still carefully rubs his wrists, then holds him close and whispers praises to him, pressing small kisses to his face. He feels safe, and loved. And he knows it's not an illusion, Ten won't push him away later, he won't leave. He'll still be there to hold him and kiss him and tell him 'I love you'. Ten says it a lot these days and every time he does, Yuta falls for him a little more.

"You feel okay, baby?"

Yuta nods, snuggling a little further into the embrace. "Mmm. Just a little sticky."

"Yeah, we need a shower."

"Mmm.” Yuta feels his eyelids drop. "In a moment." He sighs contently  as Ten cards his fingers through his hair. His eyes are closed now but he can imagine the way Ten is looking at him now, the way he's been looking at him for a long time, with that calm tenderness in his eyes. He feels warm. He's happiest just like this.

"Can you say it again?" he asks. He feels Ten's fingers run up and down his neck, gently playing with the choker. He smiles a little. Ten likes it a lot, it seems.

He shouldn't be surprised that Ten knows exactly what he wants to hear. "You're mine," he whispers into Yuta's hair, wrapping his arms tighter around him. "All mine."

Yuta shivers a little; he doesn't know why but he likes hearing it so much. He doesn't respond— he's sure Ten knows how he feels anyway. He lets himself drift off, lulled by the feeling of warmth and safety.

 

\---

 

Six months after that day he met up with Taeyong in the restaurant, Yuta finds himself sitting in Taeyong's living room with a cup of tea in his hands. He can't believe it's been more than half a year since the last time he was here. Everything looks more or less the same; the big pot plant next to the TV screen seems to have suffered a little thanks to the kitten Jaehyun, Taeyong's roommate, decided to adopt, but other than that, nothing has changed. Yuta smiles as he looks at the board games lined up on the shelf above the plant; they used to play them often, he, Taeyong, Ten and Jaehyun.

He was extremely nervous before coming here. He texted Taeyong, half expecting him not to reply or to refuse to meet him, but Taeyong's reply was simple: _sure_. It was so ambiguous Yuta wasn't sure how to interpret it, and he fretted over his reply for a while, but then Taeyong sent another one: _Stay for dinner? I'll make your favorite._ Yuta stared at that message for a long while, and he wouldn't admit it to anyone but he might have teared up a little. He missed Taeyong so much, and he felt awfully guilty for avoiding him all this time.

He's still nervous now as he sits here on the sofa. They ate dinner with Jaehyun and they chatted a little, catching up, but they didn't really talk. Now that Jaehyun went to his room and they are going to be alone, Yuta feels anxious. But he has to explain— he has to tell Taeyong the truth. He deserves it.

 Finally Taeyong emerges from the kitchen with a soft smile on his face. He turns on the TV—upbeat tunes of some song Yuta doesn't recognize fill the room.

"So," Taeyong says, flopping down on the sofa next to him. "What do you wanna do? Play a game?"

Yuta smiles. "That'd be nice." He tightens his hold on the tea mug. "But we should talk first."

Taeyong tenses, but the smile doesn't leave his face, and his eyes are gentle as he looks at Yuta questioningly. Yuta thinks he doesn't deserve him.

Yuta starts talking— he speaks quickly, in short bursts, a tremor in his voice. "I'm really sorry. For avoiding you all this time. I was being selfish. I couldn't bring myself to meet you. I should have been honest about my feelings. I—" he breaks off, biting his lip. He doesn't even notice his hands are shaking until Taeyong gently takes the tea mug from him and places it on the table.

"It's all right." Taeyong puts a hand on his shoulder. "I knew you probably had your reasons. I'm not angry with you."

Yuta shakes his head. "You should be. I'm an asshole." He ducks his head. "I'm really sorry."

"Hey, you're here now. I know you're not the kind of a person to cut someone off for no good reason. I thought..." Taeyong pauses, exhaling shakily. Yuta looks up at him— he seems nervous too. "Maybe I wasn't treating you well. The things we did... maybe I should have paid more attention to how you felt, I—"

"No, it's not that," Yuta protests quickly. It was just like Taeyong, to try and blame himself. He was too quick in looking for faults in himself, it always made Yuta worry about him. He used to be there, ready to reassure him and give him confidence. He should always be there for him, he shouldn't have let his dumb feelings get in the way. "You've always been good to me. Too good, maybe." He laughs briefly. "That's why I ended up falling in love with you." There, he said it. Now Taeyong knows the reason.

"You... what?" Taeyong stares at him, eyes wide. Yuta's face turns warm— even though he was prepared for it, it’s still embarrassing.

"That's why spending time with you was hard. It just hurt. I should have told you earlier... it's not like me, to be such a coward, is it?" He smiles sadly. "I'm sorry. But— it's okay now, don't worry, I don't feel that way anymore. I just thought you deserved to know why... why I avoided you all this time."

Taeyong is silent for a moment and Yuta's heart is thumping in his chest; he's worried his reaction will be negative, that it will get awkward between them now, that his honesty was unnecessary, that it was all for nothing.

But when Taeyong finally looks up at him, there's a smile on his face. He reaches out and touches Yuta's earring.

"These are really pretty," he says. "You've been wearing them a lot recently."

Yuta blinks, surprised that Taeyong has noticed— they only saw each other during lectures, in the end, and they didn't have that many classes together.

"Ah… yeah," he mumbles, confused by the change of subject. "I like them." They're the rose earrings he got from Ten— of course he likes them. They make him think of Ten every time he looks in the mirror.

Taeyong withdraws his hand. “Is Ten taking good care of you?"

That surprises Yuta even more. Taeyong laughs a little at his dumbfounded expression. "Jaehyun and Ten are close friends, you know. He told me you two are together."

"Oh." Yuta rubs the back of his neck. "I... I was going to tell you myself. It's not like it's a secret or anything. And yeah, Ten is... " he trails off, not sure what to say. The feelings he has for Ten are strong, but he's not ready to talk about them to other people yet. "I'm happy with him."

Taeyong hums. "I know he likes you a lot.  Back when we all met up together often… it was hard not to notice the way he looked at you.”

That surprises Yuta— he had no idea it was this obvious. How come he hadn’t noticed? But it makes him feel happy to hear it, for some reason. He knows Ten loves him but to hear it from someone else is an entirely different thing.

"How about you? Last time we— you said you liked someone." It occurs to Yuta that back then, he didn't even ask who, and all this time, he didn't bother to find out. He really is a shitty friend.

Taeyong hums. "Well, seems like I made a mistake, and things didn't turn out well," he replies softly. "But it's okay. I'm okay now."

"Do you want to talk about it? Tell me who it was?" Yuta asks slowly. He's worried. He wants Taeyong to be happy, he deserves it.

Taeyong shakes his head. "It doesn't matter anymore." He gives Yuta a warm smile. "I'm happy to have you back. I've missed just... talking to you."

"I've missed it too," Yuta whispers. "And... you will find someone, you know. Eventually. And even if you don't, I mean, relationships are not for everyone, right? But you will surely have people who love you around. You're an amazing person."

Taeyong chuckles. "I hope you're one of those people."

"Of course. I'm not leaving ever again."

They smile at each other for a moment— Yuta studies Taeyong's features, his pretty eyes, straight nose, his sharp jaw. They're very familiar to him but it's been a while since he really looked at him. He's really missed him so much. And he might have lied a bit— he didn't exactly get over his feelings. In a way, he's sure he'll always love Taeyong, even if it's not in a romantic way. It doesn't matter what kind of love it is, it doesn't matter that they won't be together romantically— Yuta is sure he will always love him.

Pushed by an impulse, he leans in and presses a soft kiss to the corner of Taeyong's lips. He pulls back quickly and smiles, even as he feels himself flush. He doesn't know why, but he needed this. As a closure of sorts. Taeyong stares at him, eyes wide, but then understanding flashes In his eyes, and he returns Yuta's smile.

"So... want to play The Witcher?"

Yuta nods enthusiastically. "I'd love to."

 

\---

 

He's in a good mood when he gets back home. He had fun with Taeyong, and Jaehyun who joined them to play the board game, but now he can't wait to go back and spend time with Ten. Maybe they'll play on Wii or PS4 or maybe they'll just watch something and cuddle. Whatever it is, he just misses Ten's touch— even if it's been only a few hours.

The apartment is quiet when Yuta gets back, which throws him off a little. At this hour Ten should be already back from classes, and he said he had no plans to go out today. When left home alone, Ten usually blasts music and dances or goes through his stretching exercises. That, or he plays games— and he's loud when he does that too as he can't stop himself from commenting and cursing.

Yuta takes off his coat and shoes and goes to the kitchen— Ten is there, sitting at the table with his phone in hand. He doesn't look up when Yuta enters.

"Hey," Yuta greets him, automatically going to the fridge, even though he's not even really hungry. Taeyong wouldn't stop stuffing him with food, nagging at him that he's lost weight and lecturing him about his bad eating habits. He looks through its contents and ends up grabbing an energy drink. He can imagine what Taeyong would say about that.

"Where have you been?" The cold tone in Ten's voice makes Yuta turn to him in confusion. Did he do something to make Ten angry?

"At Taeyong's." He tries a smile. "I finally gathered up the courage to talk to him."

Ten finally looks up at him from his phone; his expression is carefully neutral, Yuta can't read it and it's making him anxious. The worst thing, he has no idea what Ten is upset about.

"You didn't tell me you were going to meet him."

It sounds downright accusing and Yuta narrows his eyes. Is that really what Ten is upset about? But why? It's not like Yuta has to tell him everything, right?

"Sorry, but my kinky side doesn't go that far," he replies dryly. Ten draws his eyebrows together, his lips pressed into a thin line, and Yuta immediately regrets his words. In the end, he was the one who asked Ten not to bring what they do during sex into their daily life. It was okay in playful banter, but not like this. And Ten never failed him, he never mocked him about it or used it against him. What the hell was he thinking, saying something like that? "I mean," he continues quickly, before Ten can say anything, "I needed to think this through on my own. And do it on my own."

Ten's expressions softens a bit. "I see." He glances at his phone again. "Jaehyun messaged me that you were there and asked me if I knew something. I didn't. I was just..." He frowns. "Sorry. I just— I was worried..." he trails off, and Yuta waits for him to continue, but it doesn't happen.

"I was nervous," he explains. "And I didn't want to bother you babbling about it. You've listened to me talk about Taeyong enough. It's— it's in the past now."

"Is it really?" Ten looks up at him, a small smile on his face. Yuta doesn't like that smile, though. His eyes are distant, tired. "Did you tell him why you were avoiding him?"

"Yeah—"

"And what did he say?"

Yuta pauses. "Nothing much? He said he was happy to have me back..."

Ten sighs, rubbing his temple. "He's such an idiot. And so are you, for being so fucking oblivious. Listen to me. You are the person Taeyong liked. He ended that thing between you two because it was hurting him, and he thought you wouldn't like him back. Something about you being too good for him."

Wait, what? For a moment, Yuta is unable to gather his thoughts; he feels like someone hit him in the head with something heavy. "What— is this the truth?"

"Yes, it is," Ten meets his eyes; his expression is blank and he sounds resigned. "I found out from Jaehyun, like, months ago."

"But— but how? Why didn't he tell me? Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't fucking anyone tell me?"

Does that mean... if they he and Taeyong just told each other how they felt, they'd be a couple now? How could this happen? How could they be so fucking dumb? All this time...

"I was selfish," Ten says softly. His voice is shaking and Yuta's eyes snap to him; he feels as if someone has suddenly pulled him out from underwater. If all of this didn't happen, he wouldn't be with Ten now. Can he really have regrets? “I hoped for a chance with you." He scowls. "To be honest, it was a shitty thing to do and I felt terrible about— not telling you. I never wanted to hide things from you. I never wanted you to be sad. But still, I didn't regret hiding it, you know?" He gives a soft laugh. "I guess I'm not a good person, after all."

"Then why are you telling me now?" Yuta asks slowly. He's so confused, he doesn't even know what to feel right now.

Ten sighs. "Because— you still love him, don't you? You two should just—"

"Wait," Yuta cuts him off. It hurts him— the sadness in Ten's eyes, the way his voice shakes as if he's forcing the words out. "How can you think that? I'm with you now!"

Ten's eyes glaze over like he's about to cry. "Don't be stupid." He gets up and steps closer to Yuta, placing a hand on his shoulder. "It's okay, I— I won't hold it against you. You told me from the start, that you only wanted to try things out. And since then, you've never said anything that indicated otherwise. You've never told me that you—" He breaks off, sniffing, but he still manages to smile. "It's fine, I... I understand. And I guess I deserve it, in the end, for not telling you the truth. I'm really sorry about that." He smiles sadly. "Just go and tell him, okay? I want you two to be happy."

It sounds like Ten is encouraging him, to go back to Taeyong. To leave him. Yuta can't stand listening to him, and he can't stand seeing him sad like this, but he has no idea what to say to convince him otherwise. He was sure Ten knew how he felt. He hasn't said it yet, that's true, but he thought about it, he was going to do it soon...

"You're wrong," he protests. "I don't want to be with Taeyong, I want to be with you." He takes Ten's hand in his. "Please, listen to me?"

But Ten shakes his head. "Just think about it," he says softly; it sounds like he's patronizing him and Yuta hates it with all his might. "Really think about it, what you want." And with that, he turns around and walks out of the kitchen, leaving Yuta all alone.

 

\---

 

The thing is, Yuta doesn't need to think about it. He knows. After uselessly pacing back and forth in his bedroom for good fifteen minutes, he ends up knocking at the door to Ten's room. He needs to tell Ten how he feels. He doesn't care how many times he will have to say it, he will keep saying it until Ten believes him.

Yes, he does love Taeyong, but not like this. He's sure he's never loved anyone like this before; from the start, it's been different with Ten. It's calm and comfortable but deep and powerful. Yes, sometimes, it makes his heart race, makes him weak in the knees. But most of the time, it makes him feel safe and secure, and he's never been this sure of his feelings for anyone.

He knocks again. No response. He bites his lip, remembering all the times Ten went into his room without knocking— to hell with it, he decides. He walks in.

Ten is lying on the bed, clutching his phone in his hand— he jerks, surprised, when Yuta comes in, but then his expression turns cold, distant, and he looks away. The reaction isn't especially encouraging, but Yuta approaches the bed anyway, and climbs on it, lying down next to Ten, facing his back. He softly pokes his arm.

"There's nothing for me to think about," he says. "I want to be with you. I'm sorry I've never told you how I felt, I... it's just, I wasn't sure at first, true, but then I... I thought you noticed. I was used to not saying anything, so, I don't know, it felt a little awkward?" He sighs, shifting closer to Ten, To his relief, Ten doesn't move away; he's not responding but he seems to be listening intently. "It's not just 'I like you'," Yuta continues. "I love you. Like, a lot. So, please..." he trails off, unsure what else he can say. Instead of words, he just wraps his arms around Ten and hugs him, pressing his cheek against his shoulder. Ten is warm and he smells nice— like his cologne and coconut body lotion. It's familiar and comforting, and Ten doesn't push him away, so he hopes—

He feels Ten shake a little, and hears him sniff— he freezes. Is Ten crying? That's not what he wanted to achieve, but before he can say anything, Ten turns in his embrace and wraps his arms around him, hugging him tight.

"I love you too," he mumbles, voice thick with tears, and Yuta's heart clenches painfully. "I'm sorry. I was just— I really wasn't sure how you felt and it— it scared me."

Yuta's throat feels tight, and he's scared that if he starts talking he's going to cry too— are they really so dumb that they're both going to cry?— so he stays quiet, just holding Ten close. After a moment, Ten pulls back on his own— he seems calm now, and he's smiling. Yuta thinks it's not fair, really, that even after crying he looks so pretty.                              

"I'm sorry," Yuta whispers. "I just..." he sighs and buries his face in Ten's shoulder. "It actually scares me a little. That I like you this much. I never expected that to happen."

Ten laughs a little at that. His fingers sift into Yuta's hair and he pets him gently; Yuta gives a happy sigh. There's nothing more soothing than being touched like this.

"I'm  really sorry for— for not telling you the truth. I'll never do it again."

"As if,” Yuta huffs. “You only lied, like, yesterday. You said you didn't break the puppy mug."

"Hey!" Yuta can't see Ten's face but he can hear the pout in his voice; it makes him smile. "I mean important things. And besides, I was going to tell you. I just wanted to buy you a new mug first."

"Dumbass. Stop buying me stuff, I feel bad because I can't do the same for you."

"But I like it," Ten says softly. "I like making you happy."

The words make Yuta's heart race. It's not fair, really, that Ten can be so sweet, and that he can make Yuta melt so easily, that he's always treating him so well. Yuta is a carefree person, and often it feels like Ten is even more so, but there are times when Yuta feels like Ten is watching over him constantly— he's just good at acting like it's all no big deal. And, especially when they have sex, Ten always takes good care of him. It makes Yuta want to return the favor. He knows Ten likes the things they do, but maybe...

"Hey," he pulls back a little to meet Ten's eyes, smiling at him. They're still very close, close enough for their noses to almost be touching, and Yuta can feel Ten's warm breath on his face. "I've been wondering, if you sometimes feel like doing something…  you know, more vanilla?"

Ten snorts. "And you tell me I'm dirty minded. I can't believe you just changed the subject from cute love confessions to sex."

"It's not like that!" Yuta protests with a laugh. "I just— I was thinking. About doing things that'd make you happy."

Ten's expression softens, and he tightens his grip on Yuta's waist. "You don't need to do anything. I like things just how they are." He scrunches his nose up; the expression is both cute and funny and it makes Yuta giggle. "And how come you think Johnny-like sex would make me happy?"

"Ewww. Don't bring Johnny into out sex life."

"You did it first!" Ten retorts. "Johnny's second name is vanilla."

Yuta laughs at that. "Was it really so bad?"

"Are you asking seriously or are we still joking?"

"Seriously."

"It wasn't bad. It's just... I like what we do more." Ten leans in and places a light kiss on Yuta's mouth. "But yeah, it'd be nice to take it easy sometimes, if you want," he murmurs against his lips. Yuta shivers lightly and shifts even closer, burying his face in Ten's neck.

"I want to try everything with you," he says softly. The powerplay really helps him to relieve stress, and he enjoys it a lot, but if it's Ten, he really wants to do all kinds of things. It's not that he thinks slow vanilla sex in missionary position is the only way to show love through sexual intimacy, that's just bullshit, but it'd be nice to do it sometimes.

"Then how about we try now?" Ten asks, voice low, and Yuta finds himself chuckling at the obviously seductive tone. "What?" Ten asks, trying but failing to sound offended. It just makes Yuta giggle more, and Ten lets out an indignant huff, and, a second later, Yuta finds himself pinned to the bed. He's still grinning, even then— he doesn't bother to struggle. He doesn't want to get free at all. "You know, never mind," Ten says, voice playful. "I think someone's asking to get punished."

"Oh yeah?" Yuta raises his eyebrows. "How?"

"First of all, keep quiet," Ten says, and Yuta doesn't stop smiling, but he obeys and doesn’t respond. He likes the way Ten's eyes darken at that, he loves the way he's looking at him like wants to eat him up alive, like he still can't quite believe he can control Yuta so easily during those moments. It obviously turns him on, and Yuta loves that, being wanted so much just the way he is.

Ten teases him a lot that night. He makes him touch himself first, ordering him to stop every time he's close to coming. Soon Yuta is close to begging Ten to let him come— but he remembers the order to keep quiet, he doesn't. Luckily, Ten seems to notice he's at his limits— he tells Yuta to go on all fours with his face pressed to the mattress.

He prepares Yuta quickly, brisk fingers pushing in and out of him, stretching him carefully. It's purely methodical but it still feels good and it's not long before Yuta has to bite down on his lip to stop himself from making any sounds. When Ten removes the fingers Yuta hopes Ten is going to fuck him now but no such thing happens. Instead Ten moves on the bed to reach for one of the nightstand drawers; Yuta's eyes widen briefly when Ten pulls out one of their toys. Is he going to keep teasing him…?

Yuta wants to complain but he doesn't. Soon Ten is behind him again and Yuta feels the blunt tip of the toy press against his opening. Ten slides it inside— it goes it rather easily and Yuta once again is barely able to keep down a moan. The toy is not as good as Ten's cock but it makes him feel full, and he loves it.

Ten moves the toy in and out of him a few times, each thrust making Yuta feel weak all over, and then he switches it on. Yuta jerks and bites the back of his hand; god, this is too much.

"Now be good and wait for me," Ten says sweetly. "Don't move."

Yuta would glare at him if he could catch his eyes, but Ten only gives his butt a light pat, slides off the bed and leaves the room.

Yuta isn't sure how long Ten makes him stay like this. The buzzing toy buried deep inside him keeps him hard all the time, his body feels hot all over and tense with the sensations, his thighs shake from the exertion. He thinks he might go crazy any second, and soon tears caused by pure frustration well up in his eyes. He keeps still, though, waiting— he knows he can do it, Ten has made him do things more difficult than this, and Yuta can do it because there's no better feeling than pleasing Ten.

He ends up crying when Ten finally comes back. Ten pulls the toy out and turns him onto his back and then his hands and lips are all over him, kissing and petting him. "Good boy, you did well," Ten tells him over and over, his fingers carding through Yuta's hair, and somehow that's enough to make him cry. He can't really stop the sobs shaking through him and for a moment he's afraid Ten is going to chide him for the noise, but Ten just kisses him, wiping his tears away.

"It's okay, it's okay, you're so good, my precious baby. I'm going to fuck you now, okay? You can come whenever you like."

It's such a relief when Ten finally eases into him, it's so, so good to have him inside. Ten goes slow, letting him feel every inch moving in and out of him, and Yuta whimpers in pleasure, completely lost in sensations. It doesn't take him long to come, and it's so intense he barely registers what happens after that. He thinks he falls asleep for a while and when he wakes up Ten is right there, smiling at him, petting his hair.

"Water?" he asks softly and when Yuta nods Ten lifts himself up and passes him a glass. He drinks quickly and once he's done he immediately snuggles back into Ten's embrace. He feels a little drowsy, but light and warm and safe.

"You're so cute, you know. You kept repeating it."

"Hmm?" Yuta doesn't even bother opening his eyes. He knows he says things sometimes, when the consciousness is slipping from him.

"I love you," Ten says. "You said it over and over."

Yuta smiles. He's not embarrassed, not really. In the end it's how he feels, and he feels it with every fiber of his being. "I really do," he whispers.

Ten holds him a little closer. He doesn't respond but Yuta can guess why; he can hear Ten's breath hitch a little, can feel heart pound in his chest. He doesn't need to hear it, anyway— he knows.

 

\---

 

He doesn't ask Taeyong about his feelings. He considers it, but in the end he decides there's no need to open old wounds, and make things awkward between them again. Taeyong himself said he was okay now. Maybe one day they will talk about it but not now, when they are still rebuilding their friendship.

At first he's worried when they all start hanging out again, he, Taeyong, Ten and Jaehyun. Ten is never overly jealous or possessive— unless they're roleplaying, that is— he's said multiple times that he trusts Yuta completely and he doesn't get upset over silly things. But sometimes, when there's a good reason, Yuta can tell Ten is jealous, even though he hides it well. Yuta doesn't mind— if anything, it makes him feel appreciated. Still, his past with Taeyong might be a good reason, and he's worried Ten might act cold towards him. Ten is generally so sweet and bubbly around everyone, and it's rare for him not to like someone, but Yuta has seen the way he acts around people he dislikes. He thinks it's a little scary.

But it turns out he didn't have to worry at all; Ten is as nice to Taeyong as always. When later Yuta shares his concerns with Ten, Ten just laughs at him. "I've been visiting Jaehyun often all this time," he tells him, "and Taeyong was almost always there, you know? Why would I be mean to him all of a sudden? He's my friend too."

Jaehyun and Ten tease Taeyong good-naturedly about being the only single one in their group, and at first they nag at him to find someone, but Yuta supposes Taeyong's reaction aren't fun enough for them to keep going— he only laughs awkwardly and says he's content to just spend time with them. So eventually they stop mentioning it. Yuta wonders if Taeyong still likes him, and sometimes when he thinks about it, there's this ache in his chest, and he wishes he could do something to just make Taeyong happy. He desperately wants him to be happy.

"But I am happy," Taeyong says when Yuta tells him that one time when they're drinking and playing Mario Party together. "You guys make me happy." Taeyong's eyes are warm and his smile and sweet and Yuta really wants to hug him— so he does. It must be the alcohol, but he tears up a little, and Taeyong laughs at him and ruffles his hair, and Jaehyun calls him a sap. When Yuta pulls back, he catches Ten looking at them— but he's not jealous or angry, he's smiling, his eyes filled with tenderness. It makes Yuta wonder. Ten must really love the both of them after all, he thinks.

He's also cautious at first with signs of affection when Taeyong is around, but soon he notices Taeyong doesn't look upset when he sees them hold hands, when he watches Ten kiss his cheek, when they lean against each other and play with each other's hair. He seems happy for them, if the way he looks at them, with a fond smile on his face, is any indication. That makes him wonder too.

But he's especially surprised when on Christmas Eve, the day before Yuta's flight home, Ten suggests they should visit Taeyong.

"Jaehyun is going on a date with Youngho," he says. "Taeyong is going to be lonely, don't you think? And I mean, it's almost Christmas and all, we shouldn't leave a friend alone."

"Don't you want to go on a date with me?" Yuta asks, faking disappointment. Ten doesn't fall for his pouty face, though.

"We can go on a date anytime. And don't act like you weren't going to suggest the same thing," he replies, his eyes twinkling.

"You've caught me. Bros before hoes and all, right?"

Ten just snorts at that terribly lame attempt at humor and shuts Yuta up with a surprisingly rough and fierce kiss which leaves Yuta weak in the knees— Ten can be such an insufferable tease sometimes.

And this is how they end up spending Christmas Eve watching some lame Christmas themed horror movie with Taeyong. Taeyong is very happy to see them, though he tries not to show it too much, but Yuta can tell from the way he's so excited to make food for them, the way he enthusiastically agrees to Ten's very lame choice of a movie to watch.

Once the movie starts, Yuta is reminded that Taeyong isn't very good with horror films. Yuta finds them a bit too predictable, Ten on the other hand loves watching them, and he laughs and has fun during the movie, but he gets scared afterwards. It's not a big problem since he can always sleep in Yuta's room, and Yuta has his fun teasing him about it.

Taeyong, though, gets scared during the movie. His reactions are priceless— he's startled by every jumpscare and ends up whining and hiding his face in his hands in a mix of fear and embarrassment. It's endearing, really, and Yuta can't even bring himself to tease him too much about it.

Ten seems to find it cute, too; he's the one sitting next to Taeyong, and halfway through the movie he takes Taeyong's hand in his hands and pulls it into his lap, squeezing it warmly. "I'll protect you," he says seriously, then giggles when Taeyong gives him a half-hearted glare. They end up smiling at each other, though, and Yuta feels warm watching them like this. He's happy that they get along so well.

He thinks about it as they go back home. It's already very late and they chose a route that goes mostly through small side streets, so they barely see any people on their way. Ten doesn't hesitate to take Yuta's hand in his, and even though they're both wearing gloves, Yuta enjoys the contact, enjoys feeling Ten right next to him. _I love you so much_ , he thinks fondly, but instead of saying it out loud, he gives Ten's hand a squeeze. He catches Ten smiling when he looks at him, and he looks so pretty in the dim lamplight, with his cheeks flushed from cold, Yuta can't quite believe his luck. He has the best boyfriend in the universe, and the best friend, too. And they get along so well. What more can he ask for?

"You like Taeyong a lot," he points out, and Ten glances at him, surprised.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I?" He grins. "Do you still think I'm jealous? Don't be silly, I know you're all mine."

Yuta flushes at the words, his heartbeat picking up. He knows Ten mostly says that because he knows very well how much Yuta likes hearing it, but he still can't stop himself from reacting to it every single time.

"Yeah," he breathes. "I just didn't expect you to like him this much."

"He's nice and cute." Ten's expression softens and he smiles a little, as if he's remembering something. "I really do like him. Isn't it good that we get along?"

"Yes,"  Yuta replies honestly. "I'm glad you do."

He really is, and as he watches Ten's fond smile and remembers the affectionate look in Taeyong's eyes, he feels happiness bubble inside him. Everything seems to be falling into place and maybe Yuta is silly for being so optimistic, but he thinks there are many wonderful things awaiting them in the future.

  

 

 

 [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/kittyten) || [twitter](https://twitter.com/catpawprints) 

                        

**Author's Note:**

> THIS FIC IS SUCH A MESS i'm sorry. i didn't even have the patience to read it over more than once so i hope it's not full of typos. i hinted at a possibility of them ending up in a poly relationship, but you can think whatever you like! maybe yuten just stayed close friends with taeyong, or maybe they became lovers.  
> hope it was okay, thank you for reading!


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